Waterfall is played out. It’s yesterday’s news. And you know what else? So is agile. Pfft. So let’s get real for a second and talk about the most brilliant and cutting edge new project management methodology. It’s called breakneck, and once you get a load of this, you will never look back… and not just because of the broken neck.
Breaking the Rules of Speed
The origins of breakneck lie in a gathering of like-minded individuals who, disillusioned with traditional agile development, decided to put their heads together to create something better. The result was the Breakneck Manual, a 4,200 page tome written in Font Size 8 Courier New. In addition to being a useful projectile weapon to throw at rats, the Breakneck Manual outlined the foundations of the breakneck methodology.
Whiplash Your Projects into Shape
At its heart is the philosophy of ‘whiplash.’ You see, too much governance in a project slows it down so that more time is spent than necessary producing a deliverable. Agile attempted to rectify this problem, but it still squandered too much time with frivolous checks and balances, as seen in all the daily stand-up meetings, etc. Thankfully, whiplash finally resolves this issue. Whiplash is the idea that work should get done so fast that you should barely even see it coming. A deliverable should arrive on the customer’s desk so abruptly that the customer should be left wondering what it’s even doing there.
A Stampede of Genius
That ties into the other core aspect of breakneck, the concept of ‘white elephant.’ If we stood around all day waiting for the business to decide what initiatives it wanted to start, we’d never get anything done. That’s why breakneck invokes the idea of white elephant to self-initiate and complete projects before anyone in the business even thinks they want them. Granted, some pushback is bound to occur among executives at first. They might think the white elephant project to build your team a private bathroom was a poor use of resources, especially after that pipe break that basically wiped out the fourth floor, but that just means the executives can’t see the big picture like you do yet.
The hierarchies in business are crumbling all the time, and breakneck finishes what agile started. Through this methodology, project teams are empowered to do whatever they think will increase the health of the business, without having to seek any approval. The management’s changed role in this new paradigm will be to intimate to teams what they think could help the business; then they will cross their fingers and hope that all the white elephants they receive align with those intimations. Of course, if those white elephants don’t align, it just means that the project teams obviously thought of something better. In such cases, it will become the management’s job to best interpret and deploy these unorthodox but probably awesome deliverables.
Breakneck is a methodology that invites innovation like never before, because results happen so fast that any smart executive will be left scared to death with how many new things are being tried at a given moment. This is the golden age of unfettered progress for which so many business greats of yore yearned. What a time it is to be alive, when the future of business can be conducted at a breakneck speed.
***April Fool’s Day! The above article is obviously 100% a work of satire, and AITS heartily endorses the appropriate use of waterfall and agile methodologies both. We do not recommend attempting to implement the breakneck methodology in your organization, especially since we made it up.